One of the questions we need to answer when we adopt a child is whether or not you should tell your child they’re adopted. Each parent will answer this in their own way, deciding what’s important to them and how they feel about it. I don’t think it affects the way we treat our children, I know for myself I love Jay as much as if he was my own. But it will affect the child in some way or another.
If you adopt a child from a different country, or more specifically of a different race, the answer (I think?) is obvious. You wouldn’t fool anyone for long and the child would put it together faster than the latest Lego set. For children the same or similar to the parents though, it’s a question that needs to be asked. For my family, I’m white, SO (my wife)is Chinese, and Jay is Javanese, so we look as though he may be our biological son and many people actually think he is.
Recently the topic of telling the adopted child they’re adopted has come up in talks with SO. Whilst we told Jay from an early time that he was adopted we know of at least two families who have chosen not to tell their child. Both of those are what I’d consider normal adoptions, although being in Asia they proceeded differently (legally speaking) to other countries. The end result though is that they ended up with an adopted child.
I do wonder what will happen to the two children above in the future. They’re both still quite young, so it may not have occurred to them yet. But what will happen if they do start to suspect? How will they feel not being told?
These were questions SO and I considered, and answered quite quickly. We’ve always been open with Jay and he’s known for as long as he can remember. When he was younger we read him stories written for adopted children, and used them to talk about his adoption. He accepts his adoption and sometimes asks questions, but he’s happy with what he knows and has no hang ups about it. The most important thing is that he knows we love and care for him and that we are family.
