It’s one of those things that parents want to use, but using time-outs effectively doesn’t always seem to be within our grasp. How long should they be? Where should we put them? Are we doing anything right? Why doesn’t it seem to be working like it’s supposed to?
It’s something that my wife, SO, and I have been doing with our son, Jay, for years. Yet they never seem to have the effect that we want. So we did what most parents do, we kept doing the same thing and hoped that it would somehow start to work like it’s supposed to.
Come on, admit it, you’ve probably done the same thing. Maybe not with time-outs, but with some other part of parenting. It’s something that all people do, either with their children, or just with themselves. We get stubborn and continue doing things that obviously aren’t working, but we don’t want to give up, because everyone else says it works for them.
The problem, if you haven’t guessed already, is that while we may be trying to do what everyone says to do, we’re actually doing it the wrong way. So, we needed to take a step back, and find out what the right way to do it is. And after extensive research, by seeing what the experts say, it seems to come down to two basic parts.
The first part is location. By that, I mean where do we put Jay for his time-out. This should be obvious, and thankfully we did seem to get this part right. The best place is in a location where we spend most of the time, and somewhere where we can keep an eye on him. For us, this can be anywhere in our flat, since it’s small enough. But for others in larger houses, it seems the kitchen or dining area would be the best. The biggest thing to avoid, is distractions. Make sure the TV or radio, or any other audio or visual distractions are removed, or at least limited.
The second part, and the part where we seem to have gone wrong, is the amount of time to put him on time-out. In our eagerness, we made the time too long.
For 2 to 5 year-olds, it seems a 2 to 5 minute time-out is most effective. For 6 to 8 year-olds around 10 minutes. 8 to 10 year-olds 10 minutes. And 10 to 14 year-olds 10 to 20 minutes.
Since Jay is now 8, it seems we can now use 10 minute time-outs. The problem is, in the past we were giving him 10 minute time-outs when he was only 5 years old. Which according to experts, is too long and reduces the effectiveness.
The other thing that is recommended, is that we have a timer placed so that he can see how much longer he has on the time-out. We failed on this too, and he constantly asked us how much longer he had to go. And when I say constantly, I mean he was asking every thirty seconds or so. So much for giving him quiet time to think about what he had done to deserve the time-out.
Well, now we know, and next time we have to give him a time-out, we’ll know what to do. I just hope it doesn’t happen too soon.
