It’s 6.30am and I’m standing at the side of the road with Jay, my son, waiting for his school bus to arrive. With his back to me, I slip my arms around his shoulders and kiss the top of his head. It’s become a ritual that we do most days, and something I think we both get something out of. The simple act of affection, physical contact, gives us a bond that I’m hoping will last a lifetime. It’s also something that benefits both of us on a psychological and physical level.
For now I’m going to focus on how it will affect Jay, and can affect all children, in their future lives.
I remember when I was studying psychology, the lecturers told us of a study done in a hospital not long after world war 2. At least I believe it was around that time. Anyway, the ward was full of orphan babies, with half of them attended by a nurse who would hold the babies while they fed. The other half weren’t so lucky, the nurse would give them a bottle and leave them in the cot. What they found was that the babies being held, that had regular physical contact, were healthier, developed faster, and were happier than the others.
Since then I’ve read several research studies that have shown that the effects of physical contact and affection aren’t limited to immediate benefits. One study, done by Duke University Medical School, followed around 500 people from when they were infants until they were in their thirties. They observed the babies with their mothers when they were 8 months old and looked at how much attention and affection the mother gave them whilst they performed developmental tests.
What they found was that the babies who were given the highest levels of affection and attention were more likely to be happier, less stressed and anxious, and more resilient as adults. They also reported less psychosomatic symptoms, hostility, and distressing social interactions.
These results were attributed to the release of Oxytocin in the brain, which is associated with the feeling of love and connection. Other studies have found that affection can actually alter the brain, making children happier and less anxious. There are a number of studies out there and they provide fascinating, if clinical, information.
The most important thing we can get from these studies, is the importance of physical contact and affection for our children. It can be hard to find time for hugs in our modern world, but we can all find time in our days, even if it’s just a quick hug when sending them to school, or when we come home from work. And if we do find that we’re not giving enough attention because of our schedules or interests, maybe we can set an alarm to remind us to go and give our loved ones a hug.
There is one caveat though. As much as hugs and physical contact can be good, we also have to be aware of our children’s comfort levels. We don’t want to smother or go overboard with affection, which can do harm as much as it does good. We need to respect them and let them have a say in how much is enough. As they grow, they’re sure to have differing comfort levels and we need to understand that, and to allow them the freedom to choose when and how much attention we give them.
