It’s happened to most parents at one time or another. You’re in the middle of a crowded mall when suddenly the world shatters. Lying in front of you, trying to smash the floor to pieces, is your little one. Frustrated at not getting what they want, they lash out with no concern or acknowledgement that anything in the world exists, except for them and what they want. And you, dear parent, and I am with you in this, are the cause of this monstrous disaster.
So, what do we do? For those of us who have read the parenting books, and we even discussed this in class at university when I studied psychology, we try to ignore it and let our precious angel wear themselves out. You may have even seen that photo of Drew Barrymore that’s going around now, standing there ignoring her daughter as she throws a tantrum. It seemed so easy for her, and she even gets to go on talk shows to explain it.
For us mere mortals though, we don’t get a chance to explain to the world, and yet we still get those onlookers glaring at us as if we were the worst parents on earth. Is it just me, or do most of these glarers seem to be of the childless variety? So, what do we do? (Yes, I know I asked that earlier, but I have a limited attention span, and small vocabulary)
What we do is our best. First thing I try to do, almost successfully, is to block out the rest of the world and focus only on my son, Jay. Then I try to remain calm and not react until he has expended his energy and is calming down. It’s a constant struggle with my own will, with most of me wanting to stop him and physically restrain him until he stops his Hulk impersonation. And in the long run I know the best is to let him go, and as long as he doesn’t hurt himself or others it will work itself out.
One thing that I’ve seen others do, and I saw this a lot when I worked in a department store, is that the parent will then buy something for the child as a way to further calm them down, and to avoid further embarrassment. I learnt early on that this is just rewarding the child for their bad behaviour. Even when it’s not the item they originally wanted, the child still sees it as a win and teaches them that bad behaviour will get them rewards.
The best way that I can put this, and is supported by the experts, is 1. Ignore the child until they calm down 2. Ignore others that seem to think you’re in the wrong 3. Don’t give anything that can be seen as a reward by the child. It’s difficult when you’re in the middle of it, but it does pay off in the end. Remember, we all go through this, you’re not the first and won’t be the last.