Should We Teach Our Kids To Lie

It seems like a strange question, doesn’t it? We spend so much time telling our children to be honest, that it seems counterintuitive for us to turn around and teach them to lie. After all, how many of us want our kids lying to us?

Recently though, I came across a video that suggests we should be teaching them to lie. Not the big lies that we get upset about, but small lies that help to protect other people’s feelings. You know, like when their grandparents give them a present they don’t like. None of us want the embarrassment that comes with our little one saying, “I don’t like it. It’s stupid.”

So I can see the advantages of teaching them how to make white lies, and how it can help promote empathy for others. The problem I have is how to teach them the difference. I mean, am I the only one who could see a child saying, “I didn’t tell you I hit him because I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” No? It’s only me? I’ll come back to this in a moment.

Unfortunately, the video I saw, and have lost so I can’t link it here, didn’t go into the specifics. It was just one of those 30 second pieces they have on those morning shows. Maybe they went further in to it later, but I didn’t get to see that part.

And so I now have questions without answers. For example, at what age should we be focusing on this? It seems to me that we need our kids to be old enough so that their cognitive ability enables them to fully comprehend the difference between good and bad lies. For Jay, my son, I think he was around that level by the time he was 5. On the other hand, I know a teenage girl who I doubt has the ability to differentiate.

I guess the answer to that question then, is knowing our child well enough to know whether they are ready or not. Individual children do differ in their cognitive growth, and we, as parents, need to know and understand that. So when Junior does make a mistake, we don’t over-react, and accept that maybe they just aren’t at the level he needs to be to use little white lies effectively. It’s a process, and something I’m sure most, if not all, kids will mess up at one time or another.

Now back to my earlier question about teaching them the difference, I think this is even harder to figure out. Since people learn in different ways, and children – so I’m told – are just little people (yes, that’s a joke, feel free to giggle at will), we need to teach them in a way that suits them.

For some, reading them stories will be enough. For others, using pictures or videos would help. Then there are the ones who will learn best by doing. We each need to find and use the method that will best help our little ones. And not just for this lesson, but for all lessons, both at school and home. That’s why a lot of extremely intelligent students have problems at school. They can understand the material, but the teacher uses methods that don’t best suit the student.

Okay, off my soap-box (although the view is great from up here).

Anyway, back to that video. One other example she used was when she asked her daughter how she looked in certain outfit, and her daughter said that it was ugly. Okay, I know no-one likes to be told that their clothes are ugly, but are we, as adults, really so insecure that we can’t take criticism from our kids? And how about we give them some credit, I know that there has to be plenty of kids out there with better fashion sense than me, considering I don’t actually have any. It also left me imagining a day when her daughter will tell her, “You look really good, Mommy,” only for her to realise after she gets to the office that she hadn’t put on a skirt.

So what do we do? Do you think it’s a good idea to tell our children to lie?