I suffer from anxiety. There I said it, and I’m still here. Sure, my heart’s racing, my breathing’s shallow and I’m starting to sweat quite a bit, but I’m handling it. It’s something I’ve dealt with since childhood and I doubt I’ll ever get over it.
What about the kids out there who are suffering from it now though? What can we as parents do to help them? It’s a bit late for me, but if you have a child who’s suffering from anxiety, here are a few things I wish people around me had known while I was growing up, and some tips on how to handle it.
1. It causes a physical reaction
Those things I mentioned up top? Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, and nausea are part of the stress response that all people have when in a fight-or-flight situation. Anxiety causes the same physical reaction, even without the appropriate stimuli.
Thought processes can be inhibited at times like this, so trying to talk to someone in this state is largely useless. Instead, try getting them to breath deeply to relax their nervous system.
2. It causes a real sensation of fear
Anxiety sets off the fear alarm in an anxious person. It’s not real, but it feels that way. The mind can even play tricks, making sounds much louder than they really are, or causing everyday objects seem to be something they’re not, like a shadow in the corner looking and moving like a person standing there.
Instead of saying there’s nothing to be afraid of, try recognising their emotions by saying, “I know you’re scared, I get scared too, and I know how it feels.”
3. We don’t want to be worriers
Kids with anxiety do worry a lot, but they don’t want to. I never wanted to worry over every little thing, and one of the worst things you can tell someone like that is to stop worrying. It just creates a circle where we worry about worrying which leads to more worrying.
Instead of telling the child to stop worrying, explain to them why people worry and how it can be useful to survival. Of course it’s best not to do this while they’re in the middle of an anxiety attack. Wait until they’re calm and can process the information properly.
4. Logic doesn’t work
In the middle of an anxiety attack, there’s not much point in using logic, since that part of the brain pretty much shuts down whilst the emotions are running the show.
Instead of trying to use logic to calm your child, try a visualisation technique. Get them to imagine a calm and relaxing place, and describe it to you. Once they’ve calmed down, then you can discuss how feelings aren’t always the same as facts, and we can question them.
5. We need you to try to understand
It can be difficult to understand how someone suffering from anxiety feels, but it can be very important to use empathy to do so. By putting yourself in your child’s position and understanding how they feel and see the world around them, you can react in a way that is more real and more in line with what they need.
When your child is feeling anxious, try to remember a time when you felt fear, and use that feeling to let them know you understand. It can be as easy as saying, “I understand.” But only if you do. If you say the words without really understanding, they will know and it can push them further away.
Do you have an anxious child? What do you do to help them cope? Let us know in the comments below.